My Favorite Adoption Story: One in a Million

 I am so very excited to be partnering with Show Hope as a blogger for the Show Hope Blogging Network. I'll be writing to raise awareness and encourage discussion about the global orphan crisis. 

Jeremy was very confused when I told him about this particular assignment.

Share your favorite adoption story.  

"Well, why aren't you sharing ours?" he said. I could.  But most of you already know those. I want to share a story of incredible love, determination, hope, and grace.

I first met Amy when our names were shouted out in the same small group pairing of a summer women's bible study group. I knew of a few women in our group but didn't really know them. As we went around our precious circle, I learned a bit about Amy and her family.  When she shared her family was in the process of adopting from China, my heart skipped a beat.

A few weeks later Amy came to group clearly smitten.  She could barely contain herself as she flipped her iPad around and showed us a picture of this precious little girl. "Isn't she beautiful?!" Indeed she was.  She shared the story of a sweet baby girl Esther in China who went to heaven {due to a virus + her heart defeat} before her adoptive family was able to bring her home.  Esther's family designed T-shirts printed with "So Loved", with 100% of the profits of the proceeds funding a future heart surgery for an orphan in China.  A sweet angel named Kate had her future heart surgery fully funded!

Amy showed us the picture of "Kate".  And that was that.

No it wasn't.

Six months later "Kate" was referred to Amy's family.

A one in a million shot.  Literally.

Amy wrote, "Only God writes a story like this."

And so it was.

Kate became Grace.

That heart surgery?  That was prayed for and supposed to occur in China?  Never happened.

I watched from afar as their family dynamic changed in anticipation for Grace.  I watched Amy fight fear and worry as her sweet baby girl was thousands of miles away, being hospitalized over and over again. I had heard her speak about their adoption process months before and watched her growth and trust in Him. When it was real, she was real. I watched her develop a deep, deep passion for orphans. Hundreds of us stalked her Facebook page for updates while they traveled to China. We waited for that glimpse of the family all together and watched as her little personality emerged slowly but surely.

We watched Grace undergo the heart surgery she so desperately needed.  We witnessed a visceral love and tenderness that goes far beyond what we think we are capable of.  We watched as Grace went from blue to pink.  We saw Grace change by the healing grace of God. Its been a few years since she arrived home and hearing the word grace still causes me to think of Grace.

I'm truly not doing any justice to all things Grace.  I'm really not.

But what I do want to say is Grace's story holds a special place in my heart because it gave me hope. Hope for a mama who was beyond broken and had a very jaded view of adoption.  Hope for a mama who did not trust. Hope for a mama who thought her parenting journey was over. Healing to a mama who learned that its okay to not know everything. Healing to a mama who desperately needed to see God's working. Our stories matter.  We never know who's listening. I'm so thankful I met Amy, her family, and sweet Grace.

Grace changes everything.

You can find Amy's blog here.  

She also contributes monthly at No Hands But Ours

So Loved

A Review: For the Love by Jen Hatmaker

Five months ago, something extraordinary happened.  On a whim, I filled out a form to be part of the book launch team for Jen Hatmaker's new book For The Love.  Seriously.  Who does this sort of stuff and actually gets a reply?

Turns out-I do.

For the last several months it has been an HONOR to be part of Jen's launch team.  What started as an orthodox practice for launching a book became a community of women (and a few men!) on fire for Jesus, each other, and of course For The Love.  We became a tribe full of encouragement, hope, passion and truth. 

Part of my duty honor as a launch team member is to share my review of For The Love.  

Now, I know what you are thinking.  You're a Jesus girl. One of thoooooose people.

I am and am not.

If you aren't a Jesus girl or guy, please keep reading.  

It is true, I am a Jesus girl.  But I am not one of those people.  I am not a fan of religion to be honest.  I am Christian by way of my love for Jesus Christ.  

But you love Jesus and all that stuff.  Of COURSE you loved this book!

I have read books people.  Lots of different books.  Truth be told: I'm not a fan of preachy books.  At all.  But this book isn't that.  This book is Jen.

Jen writes For The Love from with a real, raw, and fresh approach. 

If you aren't familiar with Jen Hatmaker, you should be. Get on that. She writes to you as if you are sitting on her couch, wrapped in a blanket, enjoying a cup of coffee and shooting the breeze.  She writes about serious things, like slowing down, growing older, family, kids, church, crappy Christians, women, marriage, and people.  She also writes with a ridiculous sense of humor and wit about crotchless yoga pants, supper clubs, leggings, and finding your people.  I've never read a book with such a balance between the real and funny in life.  She is transparent and does not mince words. She is brave and inspires me to be brave.  In life and in my journey as an aspiring author. I cried tears and laughed so hard...well you'll see.  I highly encourage you to pick up this book, and pick one up for your friend too.  Share the love.  It is THAT good.  Never have I wanted to buy a copy for every single woman I know-until now. 

Here are my top five long quotes from For The Love and my thoughts on each:

"Wise women know what to hold onto and what to release,

and how to walk confidently in their choices--no regrets, no apologies, no guilt."  

and

"You can say no, and no one will die."

I know, that's two.  But they just go together.

Jen opens For The Love with a topic that speaks to every woman. The balance game we all play.  The first chapter, titled "Worst Beam Ever" struck me to my core.  Already, I was crying. Social media, a blessing and a curse, creates the illusion that we have it all together, all the time.  We show the best of ourselves for the world to see.  The phrase #offthebeam began floating around the launch team conversations and I've referenced it a few times with my people looking at me like I'm insane.  We must chose what to keep on the beam and what to take off.  Examine what is truly important. Dolphin sandwiches aren't. Ok?  It is ok to say no.  Really. Not everything has to stay on the beam.

photo cred-@jengarwood

"The timing is never right.  Forget that.  It rarely just falls into your lap.  You are probably not guaranteed success.  This might be a crapshoot. It will require sacrifice from you and maybe your people and you might step out on shaky, shaky legs. But off your go because we are not created to stand still, even though that is safe and familiar and you are guaranteed never to fall or stumble or grow weary. We were made to run."

Eons ago, when my husband and I were trying to have a baby, my mother-in-law told me that the timing would never be right.  Indeed, the timing in my life has never been right.  Things happen when they happen, despite my deep need and complex efforts to control them.  Many times I've felt those shaky legs.  But Jen is right.  We were not created to stand still.  I think it is a safe assumption to say that safe and familiar are similar among all of us, but where we run and what makes each of shaky is very different. I don't want to stand still.  Do you?

"We live in a strange unprecedented time when face-to-face relationships are becoming optional. It's tricky, this new online connectivity, because it can become meaningful and true; it has given way to actual friendships I treasure. But it can also steal from friends on porches, the ones who truly know you, who talk about real life over nachos. Online life is no substitute for practiced, physical presence, and it will never replace someone looking you in the eye, padding around your kitchen in bare-feet...walking in your front door without knocking."

This.  Oh I have such a love/hate relationship with social media and all this technology.  Do I love it?  Is it convenient?  Of course.  Do I love keeping in touch with those I don't see every day?  Of course.  But it has also cheapened things for our culture. I feel disconnected from those immediately around them.  Community is a basic need. I want purposeful, meaningful, funny, sad, and everything in between conversations and interactions in my life.  I'm writing this in my favorite coffee shop,  staring at the spot where a friend and I take the time to meet face-to-face when we can and have those conversations. My heart is always full for days after those conversations.  Facebook don't make my heart full. 

"Grace has no discernment."

Dear Christians, Please Stop  Being Crappy.  Yup. That's chapter in this book. And its one of my favorites.  Christians can be crappy.  News flash.  And we need to stop.  We are extremely hard on ourselves and others.  Especially other Christians.  We should not be treating each other poorly or extending judgement where it isn't needed.  We're all on the same playing field.  All of us.  All us humans in this big 'ol planet.  Love one another.  Why is that so hard?!  That sounds like another topic to discuss at a later date.  Humanity is difficult. We need to love one another.  Extend grace. Cloak each other in dignity. Be comforting and welcoming. Be family.

"Maybe your best thing won't draw a paycheck, but it is how you shine and glow and come to life to bless the world. May I legitimize your gifts? Just because you don't get a pay stub doesn't mean you shrink back or play small or give it all up. Do your thing.  Play your note. We are all watching and learning, moved.  You are making the world kinder, more beautiful, wiser, funnier, richer, better,..Run your race."

photo cred-@jengarwood

If you know me, you know that I am mama to two sweet littles from two different countries. You know that I've been a stay-at-home mom since our first child came home.  That was not the plan.  See #2. His presence brought forth a whole new world to learn, new experiences, and more amazing people than I can count.  He gave me new gifts to harness and share. Do I feel like I am blessing the world by being a mother or sharing my story as an aspiring author?  Mmmmm, no.  But I'm going to continue to do my thing.  Cause its my thing.  I'm running.

For the love go get this book!  

I'd love to hear what you have to say after reading it.  

Give me a CALL.  

Let's meet for coffee or tea or whatever you drink for fun.  

Curious to see what others are saying about For The Love?  Go here.

Let's be meaningful.  

Let's love well.

Jen offers raw humor, truth, and grace through every word she writes. She holds your hand through the tough and dances next to you in joy. This book should be in the hands of every woman, offering Jen’s realistic and gracious approach to our crazy lives.

~ Heidi Schmidt, Special Needs Mama, Author, Blogger, 

and Lover of Hot Chocolate with Whip. Milwaukee, WI

One

Several month ago I attended an amazing event called Women of Faith.  It was my first time attending, and I wasn't sure what to expect.  While the entire experience as a whole was amazing, there was one particular speaker who suction-cupped my heart from the first word that came out of her mouth.

I listened to a group of women who talked about things like Moses being a basket case.  Then a bench warmer.  Then a bushwhacker.  I learned about Birdbath Bob and his crazy shenanigans.  I learned about how things would change if I just.did.what.I.could.  I listened to the amazing Amy Grant's voice soar over our miseries.  Her album was the first CD I ever bought (OOOHHH) and she's still amazing as ever.

And then, Brenda Warner danced across the stage and began sharing her story.

Have you ever listened to a story and felt your stomach tie up in knots, just knowing the story is about to go south at any moment?  Yep-I was feelin' the knots.

If you haven't heard her story-you should.  Really.  In short, her neuro-typical son suffered brain trauma and became blind after slipping out of  her husband's arms after a bath.  Her story is rooted in so much more than that, but its her story to tell-not mine.  Read her book.  Or find her on the street.  Seriously, you should.

My tears began when she said the well-baby check visit was the only appointment she didn't mind....because that was normal and every other mom was taking their child to that appointment.  She shared her life story and how that changed with certain phone calls, her son's birth, her parents deaths, and her marriage to Kurt Warner.

She went on and the suction on my heart became so tight, I lost it.  As in, an almost visceral reaction.  I.could.not.breathe.  I'm pretty sure I was beginning to hyperventilate while trying (with horrible failure) to hold myself together.  Pfff.  Yeah, you look like a bawling moron because you are just that.  Not that moron part, but the bawling part.  My sweet friends, sitting next to me and in front of me, offered hands and squeezes of comfort and love-which made me cry even harder.  This journey has been hard, and it is rare for me to have, much less be forced, to meddle in its rawness.

Her son is now grown and lives in a group home, on his own.  And is thriving.  How do I know?  Because she brought him out at the end of her story.  She bragged on him and shared his amazing personality and sense of humor.  Most of all, his perspective to and for life was refreshing.  He lived.  He thrived. He had a future.  She did it.  Through all the struggle, heartache, crappy phone calls, and her journey with trusting God, she.did.it.

At some point, I felt myself shaking and ran for the bathroom.  You know, whoever decided it was a good idea to put thousands of emotion women in an area with stairs in the dark was just not thinking!  After I did some forced deep breathing and tried to focus my attention on the writing contest poster attached to the stall door, I walked back through the concourse to my section.  Two friends stopped me just outside and said, "You have to come and see this, Zach (Brenda's son) is singing with Amy Grant.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  The voice of a modern Joni Mitchell and this amazing young man were too much.  I stood with them for a few minutes on the platform to our section, choking back more tears and fighting that visceral feeling again.

I've thought of Brenda a lot since then.  I bought her book, but I prefer her personal delivery much more.  Raising AJ has been a constant flight or fight choice.  I've always chosen fight.  Doing so numbs you a bit.  You just do.  And process your emotions later.  Sometimes they creep in, like in the heat of the moment, but the flight kicks in and the emotions are tucked away again. Listening to Brenda's story forced me into a place I don't go.  Really, I don't.  What better place to dig in than in the middle of thousands of women.  Fantastic. Honestly, I didn't care, but now that I think about it, its humorous.

Sometimes I find it hard to relate to other mothers.  Ok, a lot of times.  Gone is the jealousy, bitterness, and anger toward them for their normal-or whatever I assumed their/normal in general to be.  Here was this complete stranger, hundreds of feet away from me and she's got a suction cup on my heart.  I kept nodding and bawling, nodding and bawling.  She got it.  She got me.  She got the struggle.  She got the triumph.  She got the joy.  She got the humbleness. She.got.it.all.

Today, I was sitting in the neurologist's office with AJ as the nurse was asking me the questions she asks me each time were there.  I stopped dead in my tracks with her last question.  Any other specialists?  I had no answer.  I ran through my mental Rolodex of "AJ Providers" and nothing came up.  I said, "No.  Just you."

One.

Suddenly, having a pediatrician and just the neurologist added to the mix made me feel like every other mom on the planet.  I felt liberated and ecstatic for my little boy.  Oh wait, there is another!  The dentist.  Oh wait! He's normal too!!! We are down to one.  One extra.  And you know what?  One extra is just like that well-baby check visit.  I didn't mind.

I hope one day to meet Brenda.  In fact, I imagine us having lunch, reading our memoirs together, and crying together.  Sappy I know.  But not everyone has the ability to suction cup a heart.  At least not mine.

Special Needs Family Support Group

A few months ago I had ants in my pants about the fact that there aren't any special needs support groups in our area.  After speaking to a few different contacts in the special needs world I learned that most groups fizzled out a few years ago.  Lovely.  I was done searching and moved on to "Well, I start one then.  So there!"

So, I contacted a friend at church and asked if we could start a group there.  This is one of those moments where the stars aligned just perfectly.  She told me another church member and her husband were just organizing and planning such a group.

We've been meeting for a few months now and its been absolutely wonderful.  We've met some awesome people and formed some great friendships.  It is the most amazing feeling when I say a phrase or acronym and do not have to explain it.  To have another parent understand how a special needs bad day is different than just a bad day.  To vent and have someone actually get it. We laugh, we cry, we support one another.  We share resources.  We opened new doors.

Did I mention how great this is?

Jer and I learned quickly that we're sort of veterans in the special needs world.  While AJ is still young, we've been around the block and then some.  I've said it before, but a little tiny piece of my heart heals each time I am able to use the knowledge we've gained from our experiences with AJ to help someone else.

Hooray!

Bring On The Tears...

This morning, my husband turn on ESPN, which already had coverage of the Badger game today.  Mind you, the game is tonight. 

Anyhow, that "story" voice came on and immediately caught my attention. I bawled for the next five minutes while the story of this little boy was broadcast straight into my heart.  Props to ESPN for making me cry.   This story, and the friendship born between a child and an athlete was truly amazing.

You can watch Jaxson's story, The Meaning of Friendship here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzEpt2O1eQY

{ESPN does not allow embedding}

I also wanted to share the story of Team Hoyt.  A father and son team that defy all odds.  This father's love, I've never seen anything like it. I first heard about this duo when Ellen, from To the Max, wrote this post back in September. Please click on the link, read and watch the awe inspiring video.  And Ellen, NO.  You we're the last person on the planet to hear about these two...I think I was.  

These stories are gentle reminders that we all need each other. 

Checklist

AJ has been in school for a month already. I can't believe it. We also can't believe the tremendous progress he's made. There have been multiple days where I have picked him up after school and sat in shock. Shock as to how awesome his school is. Shocked at how much more awesome his teacher and her staff are. I mean we knew she was awesome, but seriously? Awesome! Shocked and thankful he is in this program. Many have said to us, I'm glad you fought to get him into Lowell. SO ARE WE. SO ARE WE.

This last month was a challenge for both us as parents and his teaching staff. It was hard to hear the reality that AJ is so far behind his peers. Its not as if we didn't know already, but it still stung. When it becomes unclear as to whether he will continue cognitively, fear sets in. It was hard to pick him up and hear he had a bad day. For some reason, we remember the bad days more than the good sometimes. Why is that? It's annoying!

We spent a few days worrying about it, and then tackled the challenge ahead full-on. Jer and I sat down and reviewed AJ's "testing scores" again, to familiarize ourselves with where he is, and to see what we need to work on. I pulled out my trusty white board and we wrote out goals for each area. We sorted his toys here at home. I raided the dollar bins (I know, again, SHOCKING!)and began doing activities that mirrored the theme of the week at school and created an easy flow from school to home. I organized the art bin and began making an list of things we could do each day, making sure to incorporate our goals.

At school, AJ seemed to be doing his usual thing with "new people". I mean new people that are handling him. He wet-noodles, won't listen, pushes buttons, throws tantrums, the works. Over time, he has become familiar with the routine at school, has shown anticipation as to what the next activity is (he knows!), he's more comfortable with the staff, has had a major decrease in tantrums, arching his back when upset, self-stimulation, crying, and the biggest of them ALL: he's transitioning from activity to activity much easier and doing much better with his peers.

I sat back on Friday and looked at a list I had started and sent to school with AJ earlier in the week. I wanted to share what I was seeing with AJ's teacher. He's shown me parallel ideas. Like, he climbed onto the platform swing at therapy the other day-which he's never done. I know he's been on the platform swing in the sensory room at school. He made that connection. On Thursday his teacher shared that they had been seeing the progress as well. He's making steps, although they are little, there is something everyday. I mean something every day. So, I've added to the list, since of course, he's added skills.

We still have a long way to go and are absolutely certain that he'll get there. To worry about it leads me down into a dark scary place that I absolutely hate. If he needs anyone in his corner, its Jer and I. We need to be his advocates and say HE CAN DO. Why should his special needs automatically place limitations on him? I think not! Now, us aknowledging that he has a long way to go is not me saying I don't care about the gains he's made over the last month. We are absolutely amazed at how well he has done in just a month at school! But there is always a goal before us.

Here is the list:
-Fantastic/more consistent eye contact, beginning to seek it out.
-Made some great eye contact with his orthotist at our appointment. AJ vocalized back to “C” when “C” was talking to him.
-Walked into clinic for AFO appt, AJ walked over to the school bus on the floor, actively began playing with it. Had interest in other toys in the waiting area.
-increased spontaneous vocalizations: with changes in pitch, voice quality, intensity, rate, and duration
-walked directly into therapy gym from waiting room, went to trampoline, then ball pit, then saw platform swing. Climbed onto platform swing, spent a few minutes there, climbed off on his own, back over to ball pit, climbed in pit by himself.
-able to climb up playground (both at home and the park) and push himself down the slide, get off slide, walk around, repeat
-using left hand to try and hold plate/stabilize the food so he can scoop/stab with spoon/fork
-while playing with puppy that sits and flips he turned the dog right-side-up after it flipped over and did not land correctly
-placed object in bin when asked “put it in”/he did this for me 5x, using both left and right hands
-Recognized bubble (Chris Barton) song instantly when sung, established eye contact with me!! I asked if he wanted bubbles and he kept starring at me, then starring at my hands as if to say ‘where are they?!’
-called his name, he turned and walked to me, purposefully dropped toy and climbed on couch for cuddle
-saw swings at the park from 10-15 feet away, began walking toward them
-Giving items “up” much easier/understanding ‘ALL DONE’ with ease, understanding when we say “no” to him playing with a non-toy (ie my cell phone). Gives up with ease and moves on to his own toys.
-Playing functionally with more toys
-Imitated clicking sticks tonight
-Did not imitate raspberries, but saw tongue movement and saw his tongue protrude forward 2x. Increased tongue movement during the activity.
-Walked over to yoga ball and tried to pull it out of corner, came to me for help
-Turning faster to novel toy sounds
-Listens to a sound (ie fire engine toy that is hidden behind me) and searches for it till he finds it, knows where the sound is coming from. *With toys he’s played with before. But he knows the shaker is different than the fire engine toy.
-understands auditory cues for “sit down”, “chair”, “wait”, “up”, “all done” and “bath”. “One more” is emerging quickly!
-We tried his tricycle for the first time. He immediately sat down and started backing up.
-Seems to be understanding/following directions much better. ie “No, lets go this way”, “Come here”, “Climb up”, etc.
-had a playdate with twin boys, 2 ½ on Friday. Walked into new space (their house) and had absolutely no problems. Found the stairs, went up to the playroom. Enjoyed the playroom. No major meltdowns. He took notice of the other Mom’s voice and was actively watching the boys. Here’s the best part: AJ found a farm animal puzzle and started playing with it. I mean playing, he took a piece out, then another, then another. Then paused, then picked up the cow and starting moving it around to see where it fit. One of the boys came over and sat right next to AJ to play with the same puzzle. I’m holding my breath thinking about the water/washing dogs incident….AJ gently reaches out for the puzzle piece “C” has. I say “No, no, “C” has that piece,” or something along those lines, and he puts his hand down. He reaches out again for a different piece, I say something again, he puts his hand down. I reached down to get a piece that was in front of him and he whined thinking I was taking it away, but he was fine when I gave it to him and said “Here’s a piece for AJ,” or whatever I said. He did so great! They even ate lunch together at the table. I was so proud.
-Recognized piggy bank/coin toy at playdate and looked around for coins to put into the toy. Tried to place plastic cookie in toy, when that did not work, he searched for coins. He even opened it up to look inside. No coins. Moved on to different toy, but I was amazed he knew what to do with it and moved on when there were no coins.
-Actively played with me doing an 8-piece chunky shapes puzzle.
-Placed toothbrush under water in-between brushing (he’s never done that before), then placed hands under running water after brushing his teeth to wash his hands (again, a new thing).
-Enjoyed a red-delicious apple. Would not bite the whole apple, but did enjoy the pieces w/out skin.
-Although he seems tired at the end of his school day, he is not napping until 3pm most days now. When we first began school he was napping earlier, but even on days with PT/Speech and then PT/OT later outside of school, he’s still not napping until then.
-Figured out how to back-up on his tricycle all on his own. Repeated during PT at school on a riding toy, surprising the staff
-Steady decrease in tantrums, crying, and rough transitions at school!
-Responded to point-cue when playing with hammer & ball toy, pounded ball with hammer when his teacher pointed to the ball. Played with peer and teacher during this activity.
-Played at water table with peer at school today!
-Long periods of eye contact over the last few days
-Playing in the hallway, heard me turn on the water in the bathtub, stopped playing, looked up at me while listening, came into bathroom for bath. Water/tub was NOT in his line of sight.
-Major increase in eye contact with Jer or I while he’s in the bathtub.
-Noticing when his CI has fallen off and he all of a sudden can’t hear things!!!!!
-When his teacher took a cup and tapped it on the table with the cue “tap, tap, tap”, he took the cup and repeated the action
-Walked up the steps in front of school, using lower railing, all by himself. 6 average steps, but very long steps (take about AJ 4-6 paces to get to the next step up)
-Watching the TV more and more, realizing that sound comes from it-watching people talk.
-Attempted to get into ball pit at therapy on his own, could not, turned around and asked PT for help by establishing eye contact pulling up her arms
-Enjoyed new therapy tool-swinging bolster. Fantastic eye contact and communicative intent with the PT that was working with him, as well as his OT and Mom while we were in front on him. It was almost like he was saying, “Look at me!” with his eyes/facial expressions.
-Bit and chewed a crouton
-Chewed grapes instead of swallowing whole
-Gathering/Carrying multiple items in his hands, able to carry 2 or more objects in EITHER hand
-Increased use of left hand, especially during eating and gathering of toys
-Better balance while dressing in standing
-Tolerates new left hand splint just fine
-Seems to understand the purpose of taking turns vocalizing with the flashlight (used like a microphone-turn on when you vocalize, off when you don’t). More “attempts” to vocalize on AJ’s part rather than just constantly shoving the flashlight at me to vocalize. You can see the wheels turning.
-AJ CAN TAKE THE RINGS OFF AND PUT THE RINGS ON WITH HIS RING STACKER!

Joy

There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone's life.

Sister Mary Rose McGeady

The Definition of Cute