Last night, six pairs of snow-caked black boots stood in my living room. The flashing lights outside our house at 10pm notified the whole neighborhood that we had company.
After fighting sleep for three hours, I began prepping the "I don't know what else to do" meal for AJ. Warm oatmeal made with milk instead of water (every calorie helps) and some juice.
AJ took a drink of juice, doubled over, and began to choke. And.I.mean.choke. He got it up, whatever it, was, and then...is airway was blocked and he turned a not-so-nice color.
By the time the dispatch finished asking me 3,485 questions, she then transferred me to our local department where I repeated the same information. He was already back to semi-normal by the time my phone conversation was ending. She was telling me what to do: don't give him anything to eat or drink, if he stops breathing or vomits, turn him on his side, put away family pets, have the door open and the light on, and someone to greet the emergency team when they arrive.... Sister, I got this. Really. Who else do you know can do all that while on the phone with 911 and get dressed at the same time?
The team attempted to check AJ's oxygen level, which is always humorous. He gingerly screams and they fall more and more in love with him. Jeremy gives his nurse/Dad report. As the team left, I hear he's so cute multiple times. When they leave, I fight the urge to hug the snot out of them. I have a deep, deep appreciation for our emergency responders. Let me tell you....
AJ was giggling as they walked out the door. Jeremy and I? After putting AJ to bed, Retreated to our laptops for a good half an hour and then continued to vegetate watching our DVR'ed shows. It is hard to come down from so much adrenaline.
While our child possesses the amazing capability of bouncing back from such things, we aren't quite as fast. Us, being late with something. Imagine that.
I lost my breath walking back to my car after dropping him off at school. I slept through my alarm and picked him up late. When we got home, I parked the car and sat with my eyes closed for I don't know how long. I was just thankful that today AJ wasn't in a manic panic to get out of the car right away. My entire being shut down. When I opened my eyes, it took every fiber of my being to crawl out of that car. Does that sound dramatic? Yes. Was it? Yes. It is hard to keep on keeping on sometimes. The afternoon routine commenced as usual, except my little man was tired. I could tell in his sweet, brown droopy eyes.
After his bath we made our way downstairs to the playroom. He walked a half-mile on the treadmill. He swung in two of his three swings. And then-he cuddled with his mama. I cannot tell you how precious it feels to have my son find comfort-in me. My breathing relaxed. So did his. How can such a tiny soul produce such strength?
This mish-mosh of days is another example of how I am solid in my commitment to slow down. Sloooo-ooooww Doowwwn. Every life is precious. My son's life is precious. And I will never get these sweet moments with him back. There is no repeat in life. I won't say his life flashed before my eyes last night, because that would be super dramatic and over the top. But-there will always be another concert, another game, another movie, another assignment, another tangible thing to fling ourselves to. There will always be dishes, laundry, and a to-do-list for me to complete.
I keep looking at my sweet boy and wondering how on earth he has gotten so big. How has he made so much progress? How has he overcome so much and still fills his life and other's lives with so.much.joy? Last night scared the whoppers out of me. But-He started breathing again.
If he can do it, so can I.