Dear Baby Girl ~ December 2013

Dear Baby Girl,

Oh how things have changed since the first draft of this letter to you.

The last two weeks have been a fierce whirlwind.  Our dossier {the big packet of forms that goes to the Bulgarian government saying we want to adopt you} was requested early in order to get a jump start on translation.  By early I mean we had everything except one form. Bulgaria contacted our adoption agency to ask where we were with dossier completion.  Sweet girl, this does not happen.  It just does.not.happen.

Mama's heart broke a little when our agency confirmed that the Bulgarian government closes down for Christmas.  But then! Oh then, when our dossier was requested, it was clarified that it was requested so that translation can take place now and the entire dossier be ready for submission to the Ministry of Justice when they open post-holiday. The last piece of our dossier is the United States immigration approval.  This gives us permission to adopt from a specific foreign country.

Last week went something like this:

Tuesday~Momma runs around like crazy getting things notarized, picking up extra documents and having Daddy sign more documents after some much needed clarifications.  Momma calls the Secretary of State's office in Madison and begs for expedition of apostilles on our documents, explaining the circumstances. Momma mails documents to Madison to be apostilled.

Wednesday~Momma emails USCIS: Hague Adoptions to inquire on our immigration application status.  Momma goes to have her hair done.  She sits in the salon and checks her email to find an email from USCIS stating we have APPROVAL. Momma shouts YES! at the top of her lungs and the entire salon turns their heads.

Saturday~Apostilled documents arrive in our mailbox.  Momma and Daddy do a VERY happy dance.  Momma opens the envelope to find that two documents were not able to apostilled.  The process has changed and they need to be done different, and through a different office.  Momma makes copies of everything and mails everything to our adoption agency.  It has arrived at our agency, now we just wait for the immigration approval (with apostille) to arrive at the agency and everything goes to Bulgaria for translation.

Sunday~We finish the initial preparations for your room and take pictures for the dossier.  Your brother helped!

Monday~Hard copy of our immigration approval letter comes in the mail.  Momma and Daddy do another VERY happy dance.

Tuesday~Christmas Eve. Momma stands with your brother in the aisle so he can watch the music and lights and sheds tears, knowing that next year I'll have two hands to hold in this very moment.

Wednesday~Christmas Day.

I hope your orphanage is full of Christmas spirit.  I hope you have a tree to stand awestruck in front of and yummy treats to celebrate.  I hope you are enjoying Bulgarian children's Christmas songs.  We've added as many as we could find to our own Christmas music listening.  I have felt so blessed to have such amazing technology and access to research your culture, your world, your heritage.  I hope there is sparkly garland hanging on the walls and across the windows.  Christmas is a big thing for your country, so I have no doubt you will be celebrating it. We are praying you were celebrated there as you are here.

But oh how we wish you were here with us.  The Christmas before we brought your brother home felt bittersweet and out of place.  Someone was missing.  This year was and is no different.  You are missing, my baby girl.   You are SO loved and SO missed. Listening to Bulgarian Christmas songs makes me cry.  I long to hear your sweet voice in person. Our Christmas theme this year at church was Wonderstuck.  That, my dear girl, is what our journey to you has been all about.  Has anything left you wonderstruck?  Ab.so.lutely.

We decided to decorate our Christmas tree in honor of you.  We chose all red ornaments.  Do you like it?

You have your own tree in your room, too.  See?

Grandma made you your first stocking:

And you received your first Christmas gifts:

We love you SO much.  Christmas isn't about gifts.  Christmas is about THE gift.  We are so thankful to Christ for coming to this world.  We are so thankful for His blessings.  You and your brother are our blessings.  Even though we long to hold you, cuddle you, watch you marvel at the magic of Christmas, fluff your pretty dresses and have you pose next to your brother, we know the GIFT of YOU is well worth waiting for.

Merry Christmas Baby Girl.

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

Valentine's and Easter

Valentine's is like speed to me.  I get all excited about making rock star valentines for AJ to take to school.  

This year, not only could I find the perfect valentine for us to make, we also ran out of time.  So, I had to simplify.  We came up with this:

I stamped the greeting and wrote his name and he put the stickers on.  He absolutely loves playing games with stickers.  Put them on your nose and he'll find them in no time at all.  And, of course, it is a great OT activity.  I heard from the kindergarten teacher that the kids all loved them.  Sometimes I think AJ could have given his classmates bags of pebbles and they would have been over the moon.  Our little guy sure has his own fan club.

I made these for AJ's school staff, courtesy of Pinterest:

For Easter, the Easter Bunny forgot-ok-has no idea where his basket is.  I saw a cute idea (again, on Pinterest) to dye eggs using koolaid packets instead of the 'ol vinegar and color tablets.  Yeah,  good intentions.  And then I got to thinking about what the Easter Bunny should bring AJ....

He brought all his favorites: Freeze pops, glow sticks to play with in the bathtub, 

sour straws, and a light-up yoyo.

AJ attended church for the first time hearing (back in December we took him for Christmas but later found out his processors weren't working then so it wasn't such an accomplishment then) on Easter.  He did very well and even signed more for the lights after the music was over.  It was seriously cute.  For Easter dinner, he wasn't the least bit interested in eating, he only wanted a freeze pop.  He proceeded to entertain us with that one freeze pop for at least a half hour.  He then devoured several pieces of Irish Cream Pie.  

We've settled into a groove where I no longer feel the stress of having to have holidays a certain way.  

We do what works and enjoy every moment of it.

Noodle Ornaments

AJ and I made noodle ornaments for his Grandparents this year for Christmas. I got the idea from an ornament I made in 3rd grade...that I still have. 

Supplies Needed:Macaroni Noodles/Any Small Variety of Dry Pasta

Shape to Trace

Ribbon

Hole Punch (not pictured)

Craft Glue

Spray Paint

Cardstock or Construction Paper

Scrap Piece of Cardboard

 Trace and cut your shapes & Punch your holes

 Apply glue and smudge it all over with your fingers...

 Call your craftyman...

 Place macaroni on glue.  Try not to cover the hole you punched.

 Carefully flip to and repeat on the other side. 

 Allow time for the glue to dry.

 Adults: Spraypaint one side at a time with your color of choice. 

Metallics work really well.

 Add ribbon and a year tag, and VOILA!

Here's to A New Year

Today certainly did not feel like the last day in December.  Our weather has been more like spring the last two days, with today's temperature hitting 50 degrees and melting all of our snow. 

I'm not sure how a new year is upon us.

Already.

2010.  We are not sad to see it go, to say the least. 

My sweet Gram left us on Ash Wednesday. AJ's 2nd CI surgery (May) seems like it was lightyears ago and was relatively uneventful considering the events that followed.  Jeremy's scary diagnosis of multiple sclerosis threw both of us completely out of our element...as if we had such a thing to begin with.  Let me assure you, when you are 28.75 years old, you do not think about such things happening to your life partner.  AJ's birthday was a blur, as was his 2nd CI activation.  Each attempt at a mini-vacation was soured.  The pressure to move became overwhelming. And lets not forget AJ's new diagnosis of epilepsy.

Each year, Jeremy and I hope that this will be our year.  Not for smooth sailing, or that easy-button on the Staples commercial (nice but not realistic).  For a few less bumps, for a break or two, for less drama, less stress, less tears.

Despite all this, our marriage grows stronger.  We laugh at each other constantly and worry about each other just as much.  We're growing into our own groove as a family, which has its ups and downs.  Friendships have grown stronger, some have grown weaker.  We have reached the depths of being so emotionally drained, that we can't function.  We hold each other up, grieve with each other, and support one another. We take care of each other.

I grew a bit more into my own this year, and continue to do so.  Jeremy's career blossomed and opened new doors and opportunities aplenty.

AJ has grown and tolerated all that goes on around him like the SuperStar he is.  He just amazes me.  He wakes up every morning with a clean fresh slate smile that can take on the world.    Despite my heartache about certain things, AJ has made tremendous progress. 

I find it so hard to believe that he'll soon turn 5.  5 years old.  When did that happen?  He's lost his baby face and now grins at me with total boy naughtiness glimmering in his eyes.  He's everywhere, and into everything, just like little boys should be. 

What will 2011 bring?

2011 will bring us a new home.  Around 4am on the morning after Christmas, it suddenly hit me that it was our last Christmas in this house.  With the realtor coming last night, it feels like everything is suddenly happening, very fast. 

We are hopeful Jeremy will remain symptom-free.  We are hopeful AJ's communication skills will increase and that he'll continue to make such terrific gains in his additional therapies.  We are hopeful our move will go as smoothly as possible and that we'll find the right house with ease.  We are hopeful for some positive changes in our lives!

I hope to finish my book sooner than later and stop holding back what I really want to say.  Contrary to popular belief, I do have a filter.  I rather large and thick one...depending on the context.  I am also hoping to take more time for myself and figure out what exactly I want to be other than/in addition to being AJ's Mom. I'm looking forward to turning our new house into our home.  Jeremy is looking forward to his dartball tournaments and finishing his BA (very soon!) and moving on to his Master's.

2011 also brings our 10th wedding anniversary and our first long vacation EVER to Hawaii.  We lay in bed most mornings and sigh at the thought of just sleeping all day...with palm trees swaying in the breeze.
I'm still not sure how we've been married 10 years already....

Happy New Year!

Blue Christmas

I've really been slacking on the posts, haven't I?  I would love to promise that will change, but I can't.  Rest assure our craziness has not deterred me from thinking of awesome blog posting titles and subjects....

The kitchen cabinet redo was finished the week before Christmas and looks absolutely amazing.  We are so used to having open cabinets, that it sure is different opening a door to look for something.  I spent most of last week engaged in a mental battle of what had to be done/finished before Christmas vs. what needed to be done to finish the house.  It was quite the battle.  Even so, I was still asking Jeremy to take bins down to the basement on Christmas Day. 

Jeremy and I managed to get the Christmas cards out before Christmas this year...which is quite an accomplishment.  I swear, I pick THE putsy-ist projects...but they always turn out amazing.  We spent many nights, while watching our DVR'ed shows, cutitng twine, fishing line, and putting them together.  Thanks, Honey.

Christmas was full of surprises, lots of love, and blessings....

AJ is on winter break this week...with a smidge of a cold still lingering.  At least he's not the booger monster like he was early last week. 

He's doing well at school, with lots of new gains.   He recognizes the "Good Morning" song they at the beginning of each day and knows what is expected of him re: taking his picture from his teacher, standing up, and placing it on the board.  Without.being.prompted.  Oh how I wish his toddler group teacher at CCHD could see him now.  Huge progress.

He no longer needs a sensory break during his morning routine and the time between bathroom trips has increased dramatically.  Were talking 2 hours here people.  Yesterday marked 1 year that we've been potty training.  I was told it would take a year.  Right on.  Can you imagine we've been at this a whole year? The school staff has a photo of the potty next to the door...which he now goes and grabs independently to tell them he needs to go potty.  Soooo exciting.  Now, if we could just poop on the potty consistently, that would be marvelous.  He's back up to snuff with using the PECS during his speech time, which is another huge gain.  He had regressed quite a bit after coming back from Intensives, so we are all thankful he is back up to where he was, choosing between 2-3 pictures. 

While I'll detail his PECS book more in another post, here is AJ's 1st PECS book:

Vision
It was brought to my attention that AJ's having trouble with using his vision using his PECS.  He seems to pay more attention to the book when it is coming towards him, not in front of him. 

Sigh. When you have a child with multiple needs, you pick your battles.  AJ wearing his glasses on the way to school is one I chose not to fight, until now.  When it was brought to my attention that the staff was seeking exercises to help AJ increase use of his vision, I suggested that I start by keeping his glasses on in the morning.  He was such a good little boy the first day we tried it last week, he didn't try to take them off at all.  I was so proud.  The following days, not so much. 

You see, its quite a process to get all of his head equipment on and getting it to stay put is another feat.  When he pulls his glasses, he ends up pulling his implants off, even with the wig tape, and I end up pulling over 7 times to reassemble him, which doesn't work out because then the tape doesn't stick as well and I'm using very inappropriate language on the way to school.  Not exactly the language experience I am supposed to be providing for my kiddo.    I am hoping that by waking up his eyes earlier in the day, he will use his vision more appropriately and we can avoid adding vision exercises to his already packed schedule.  His ophthalmologist has assured me multiple times that he has no other issues other than near-sightedness and a slight astigmatism. 

Cochlear Implants

We are scheduled for his 6-month audiogram for his left implant (the new one) tomorrow.  Since we don't have an audiogram for this ear yet, I'm anxious to see where he is. That's right, we have no idea where he is hearing on the left.  No dB markings on an audiogram chart.   Don't ask why we don't have an audiogram yet.  We will be getting one tomorrow, or I'll be bringing him in every week until we get one. 

We seem to go through a fair number of ear hooks for his implants.  So I was not surprised when the sitter reported she lost one and was panicking.  I pulled out our stash and placed another one, only to have it fall off.  A small piece of plastic below the "blinking light" is broken off, so a hook won't stay on.  I've switched to his backup and will take the other into the clinic tomorrow...along with a coil that I found stuck to the underside of the airconditioning vent in the floor in AJ's room.  Huh.  We lost that eons ago. 

PT

AJ is growing like a weed.  I mean, GROWING. To the point of pain.  This growth spurt, between ages 4 and 5, is the worst until he's in his teens.  GRRRRRRRRRRREAT.  He's eating us out of house and home, and he's only 4 1/2.  Yes, he's a boy, and boys typically eat you out of house and home, but he's setting a record.  I'm sure of it.  Despite his growing, we've managed to keep him walking.  Deep massages, his TENS unit, long baths, vibration, and lots of home PT is helping a lot.  So are naps.  He's been on the treadmill and his ball A LOT here at home.  You can just see his body relax when he's stretched out on the ball. 

We are thankful that we received a quick response from insurance and have been granted more PT sessions.  His PT did a 90 minute session two weeks ago and it did WONDERS.  Our normal sessions are 45-60 minutes.  In January, all of his PT sessions will be 90 minutes.  We are working towards better balance in standing and in walking.  If he's tight, it is extremely hard for him to bend down or bend a leg to put on his pants, etc.  He lacks the balance required for those types of activities.  Insurance thinks he's doing so well, they'll stop covering him soon.  Which is amazing.  We had to stop and think of what we wanted to put as our goals for AJ on this last submission to insurance.  The goal is for him to be discharged and only have to see his PT intermittently for periods of growth and spasticity.

Our new sitters are PT students, so it thrills me when I can ask them to do something with him and they know exactly what I am talking about.  BONUS.  Or they notice when he's tight and needs lengthening.  I am just in heaven with these ladies.

AJ loves working on the trapeze bar, yep my kid with CP can use a trapeze bar, and the gigundo therapy ball at his therapy clinic.  I've caught him down in the basement a few times, which is...awesome.

And he's tall enough to do this...

OT 
He's doing well in OT too. We are still working on dressing, which is slow-going.  He's attempting to put on his own socks.  AJ is trying so hard to open doors and is able to pull his zipper pull up and down on his own. is also able to hold his bowls/plates with his left hand now.  See?

Feeding Therapy

Feeding therapy is going well too.  We've been using a VitaStim unit under his chin (pictured below), which works wonders.  It speeds up his swallowing and gives him a lot of oral awareness. The VitaStim is a lot like his TENS unit, using electrical stimulation, but on a smaller area. He's acutely aware of when she turns it up too.  It's quite interesting to watch him.  We are working on getting him to eat hot dogs with a bun (with the dog not cut, so he has to bite it with the bun) and revisiting toasted sandwiches.  He lost interest in sandwiches for a while there.  He's drinking from an open cup so well, its amazing.  He's even able to hold it up even while he's not taking a drip.  He'll take a sip, then continue holding his cup up, then take another sip, then put it down.

Today, he had a fantastic session.  I mean, it just might have been the best EVER.  He self-fed himself a toasted PB&J sandwich, pears, and raisins...without putting his fingers in his mouth to push food to the side...he used his tongue and we could hear beautiful active chewing.  His feeding therapist was thrilled, as was I. 

Auditory Therapy

We had our best auditory session EVER last week. I'm am very anxious to see how he does in the booth tomorrow.  He turned to novel sounds at 6-9 feet distance and really engaged with his therapist.  While going through one of the eval's, we discovered he was making some great progress. Considering I leave most of those sessions frustrated and in tears by the time I start the car to leave, this was major progress. 

Dental

AJ's teeth, miraculously, are cavity-free.  Unfortunately, he still hates the dentist. He still has extremely weak teeth, which we need to keep an eye on.  I was quite pleased with his new dental resident, which was a relief.  His thumb sucking is pushing his teeth in and out, so we're doing our best to keep his thumb out of his mouth.  When I asked why is causes a problem, I also found that not having your top and bottom aligned also makes it more difficult for a person to bite and chew.  Well, AJ doesn't need anymore challenges in the eating department, so we're keeping a close eye on him.  As he gets older, it keeps decreasing, so we're thankful for that. 

Seizures

AJ is so much more alert and aware, its shocking.  The seizure medicine is doing its job. I've also seen less and less staring at his hands and self-stimulation. And although I still have to turn my eyes from the right side of the road when I pass where he had his seizure in the car, I am thankful he had it and that we now know about his epilepsy.  School reported one short, stare-off-into-space seizure a few weeks ago.  Jeremy and I think we have seen a few, but it is so hard to tell.  Is he ignoring us or is it a seizure?

I've placed a call to his neurologist's office to schedule another EEG.  Ugh.  I am not looking forward to that.  I wonder if its inappropriate to bring a bottle of wine with me.... The EEG itself is painless, its just a bunch of wires stuck on AJ's head.  Its the sleep deprivation, for both of us and his sensory overloaded screaming during the ENTIRE test that does me in.  Oh Well. We'd rather know what his brain activity looks like now anyways. 

Communication & Cognition

I have repeated the phrase "AJ is non-verbal" over 10 times, to both friends and strangers, and I think its helping it sink in.  Even so, I'm devasted.  We have given so much faith into hope, hopes that the implants would bring him up to speed in the two areas he was lacking...and here we are grieving again.  I find myself asking if the grieving will ever stop.  Does that sound dramatic?  Perhaps to you, but it is a real question Jeremy and I ask each other a lot. 

AJ's inability to communicate what he wants often leads to AJ screaming and crying at the top of his lungs (and his cry is dramatic, pathetic, and oh so pitiful) and me going through the rolodex of his typical wants/needs in my head.  When I don't stop on the right tab, it leaves both of us, all too often, on the kitchen floor sobbing together.  He's frustrated.  I'm frustrated and frustrated for him.  I feel like a failure.  My patience is tested day in and day out.  Lately, I've been short on it.

There are moments where he leads us to what he wants and I'm able to translate for him (ex: leads me to microwave or stove: Mom, I want something warm to eat).  He's communicating better at school for potty time and food times.  But what about the rest of a human life? Leading me to the refrigerator is not going to get him very far. 

We're working with the PECS, and teaching him power signs, because we all believe he's capable of signing what he wants/needs.  We are working closely with his school staff, who are as always, simply amazing.  We're doing what we can to help him.  But sometimes, it is just too much.  

His cognitive delays were never more apparent than at Christmas.  Where I was delighted to see him sit on Santa's lap at school, but heartbroken when Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas and....silence. 

Jeremy and I believe Christmas is Christ's birthday, as He is the reason for the season (I really don't like that saying as it sounds so cheesy, but there it is).  With that said, we do the Santa thing too. Most of us remember Christmas from when we were young and love to watch our own children discover the magic and wonder of Santa and all his wintery friends.  You go to church, you do the Christmas program, you explain the nativity, you pray, I even had plans to make a Happy Birthday Jesus cake. There was no magic, and a Mom with a very broken heart.  A pity party?  Perhaps.  But one that I'm still feeling a few days past Christmas.  Yes AJ is 4 1/2, and of course I wouldn't expect him to walk out Christmas morning, gasp and run into the living room "Mommy Mommy Santa came!".  But the teeny tiny moments I guess I was expecting, like even the moments we experienced last year when he was younger, were null.  Our company was great, the food was fantastic, but inside, my heart was crying.

After AJ finished the Intensives in October, AJ's PT and I were discussing how AJ is a great example of how treatment works.  She went on about how we were great parents and have worked so hard with him, that this is why is doing so well.  She then went on to say that most special needs parents hit a wall, a point where they are just so overwhelmed, they just can't anymore.  She still hadn't figured out how I was still doing it.  I'm not sure either.  But I think I've finally reached that state.  So much to juggle all at the same time.  *Deep Exhale*  I just wrote this huge post over the course of two days and I'm exhausted just writing it.

Why Turkey Why

I suppose I should post about Thankgiving while I still have a picture with pumpkins on the blog. Never mind that today is December 4th.

Thanksgiving was a very stressful day.  For those around us, it may not have seemed so, but we've gotten pretty good at playing the game and putting on the smiles.

I thought it would be less stressful not hosting.  I was wrong.  I had forgotten what it feels like to hop-skip-jump to different places on a holiday.  Especially with a kiddo.  While we were at our first stop, AJ did well, although I was watching him like a hawk.  He was staring off a lot, which caught my attention right away and I quickly became nervous.  While I don't think he had a full seizure, I do think there was some abnormal activity going on.  Since he has had a seizure while on medication (about 2 weeks ago-at school) I was on high alert.  I guess you get that way when your kid has seizures.  Despite my anxiousness, it was lovely visiting with family and friends...and petting puppies.

We left late (if anyone ever leaves one place to get to another on time, please share your secret) and picked up my Mom for our next stop.  Where I swooped AJ into the bathroom pronto so I could give him his seizure medication (late-which made me upset).  He took it well, and I though all would be well with the world.  Not so.  AJ ate two bites of mashed potatoes and proceeded to have a complete sensory meltdown. 

In the middle of his meltdown, a sweet little girl came over and asked me a question.  She's definitely in her "Why?" stage.  Her mother had warned me beforehand that she wanted to play with AJ, but she explained he needed to eat first.  The girl had asked her mother why AJ didn't talk.  She had reminded her that he talks with his hands instead.  Kudos to that Mom, by the way.

The sweet little blond girl walked up to me and asked, "Why doesn't he talk?" 

I answered (feeling like I was lying or not telling the whole truth because AJ only has 5 signs he uses), "He uses his hands to talk."

"But WHY?" said the little girl. 

To which I said nothing and fought some major tears that were welling up while AJ was screaming in my lap. 

Her mother distracted her and I was off the hook.

What do you tell a sweet young child, who is full of innocence, when they ask such a complex question?  It was simple in her eyes.  I want it to be simple too sister.   My heart was screaming to act how her face looked, like she wanted to whine, "Well thats not fair!!"  No, its not. I felt like saying, "Yeah, I wanna know too why he doesn't talk.  Lets sit down on the floor and play Candyland and solve the world's problems." 

AJ was done, and we left just as quick as we came...or so it felt.  Despite the meltdown, it was nice to see friends we hadn't seen in what felt like forever and laugh, even if it was just a little.
After I dropped my Mom off, the tears started.  I missed Gram so much that day.  The emotion hit me like a ton of bricks and I was not expecting it. The day was hard to begin with; but adding a new routine for "The Day", AJ's meltdown, the why question, and the guilt of not spending more time with Mom, I was one cooked bird myself.  I did not expect the day to go perfect. Because they never do, and that's ok.  But my heart was hoping for some calm and peace and an opportunity to give thanks.  To not have to worry or stress about anything for just a little while. Instead, I was stressed.  Jer was stressed.  I missed cooking and hosting. Jer missed my cooking, our hosting, and the leftovers.

I am thankful for my loving husband, my amazing son, our parents, my closest friends, AJ's team, AJ's ability to hear and listen, massages, and Starbucks.  I am thankful for so much.  But the stress?  Eh.  Sorry stress, I'm not thankful for you....Oh, and pumpkin pie.  Love me some pumpkin pie. And Twilight.  Can't forget Twilight.

Its the Most Emotional Time...Of The Year

This time of year is always rough for Jer and I.  We don't even need to talk about it, we both know how the other is feeling....  This year is no exception.

The beginning of November marked 10 years since Jer's Dad passed.  I'm not sure how that much time has lapsed.  I do know that I am blessed to have a part of him in my life every day...as Jer has his Dad's personality to a "T".  He makes me laugh, even when I don't wanna laugh.  He reminds me not to take all things in life so seriously and that its ok to "piss on it" once in a while.  As I just re-read the last sentence, I realize that you'd have to know Jer or his Dad to really get that sentence and see the humor in it. 

A few days after Thanksgiving 2007 we learned AJ was deaf and my Dad was in the hospital.  Five days into December 2007 we learned AJ had cerebral palsy and we lost my Dad just minutes later. 

This time of year makes me think of all of those things...especially the people we've lost.

Gram had this insane obession with an appetizer I make...bacon-wrapped waterchestnuts.  While she always called it rumaki (which is really bacon-wrapped shrimp), I never corrected her.  She always looked forward to them and it was always the first thing on her appy plate.  Finding whole waterchestnuts this time of year is always a challenge, but I'd go to 4 different stores to get them because I knew she loved them.  I saw a bottle of chili sauce at the store today (an ingredient for this appy) and felt a deep sadness.

{I've shared the recipe for Bacon-Wrapped Waterchestnuts below}

Gram always insisted on yams, not sweet potatoes.  There is a difference, she'd say. She taught me how to make them her way...and after that, it became my job to make them.  She'd laugh at my commentary when I clean and prep a turkey ("Eww", "Gross", "Ahhh!"-when its slippery), "Blech", to mention a few choice words).  She'd watch me closely as I made the cranberry jello mold.  She never did notice I made it with sugar-free jello.  Horrors! :)

She'd insist on a grandiose table setting, which always meant my Mom and I would be running around like chicken's with our heads cut off trying to make it just perfect.  Gram would always tell us girls what a good job we did.  That made it all worth it.  Her famous apple pie was always made the morning of Thankgiving (right, Mom?!) and I swear I 've never tasted a pie like it.  White Zinfandel (she'd call it ZinFondle) was a must, as was the green bean almondine.  No green bean casserole!

When Jeremy came into my life, and it was clear he was staying put, she was determined to make sure he had enough to eat.  It took quite a few years before I broke down and told her he doesn't like turkey all that much.  Dark meat if anything.  She took note and made sure Jer got his dark meat. 

When AJ arrived, her Thankgiving meals were all about watching AJ.  What she ate became less and less, she focused her energy on watching AJ eat and entertain us all.  Nothing else mattered except AJ. 

She'd be disappointed that I'm not hosting Thanksgiving this year.  It was a very difficult decision for me to make.  Although I do hope that in that disappointment, she'd understand why.  While I have no doubt this year's Thankgiving will be wonderful, it will be different.  I miss her every day and find it incredibly odd to talk about her in the past tense. 

It is amazing to think of how well I knew her.  If she was here, she'd ask how AJ is doing on his seizure medication, she'd ask him "When are you going to talk?", and call him handsome a million times.  She'd be making sure I was prepping each meal her way and kindly enduring my constant chatter.  She'd have the conversation with my Mom about the silverware and asking if she could help in anyway, to which the both of us would kindly shout "No!"  She'd ask whether my book was finished.  She'd tell us where to go in Hawaii on our anniversary trip next year.  She'd tell stories of her island adventures...no doubt throwing in an embarrassing tale or two about me. 

I will be forever grateful for the time I was given with Gram.  While she won't be joining us for Thankgiving this year, I'm sure she'll be having her favorite appy and a glass of Zinfondle.  Yep, I'm sure of it.

Bacon-Wrapped Waterchestnuts

2-4oz cans WHOLE waterchestnuts

1 lb bacon-uncooked

1/4 cup mayonnaise

1/4 cup chili sauce

1/2 cup brown sugar

Cut bacon strips in half.  Wrap 1/2 slice of bacon around each waterchestnut and secure with a toothpick. Place in a shallow baking dish  Mix mayo, chili sauce, and brown sugar.  Pour over bacon wraps.

Bake @ 350 for 45 minutes. 

Fun with the Irish

Breakfast

{Green Shamrock Chocolate Chip Pancakes}

{Green Milk}

Marble Shamrocks

(Do any of my stampers remember this technique?!)

Lunch

{Lucky Charms with Green Milk & Green Banana Pudding}

Sorting shamrocks and gold coins out of

our St. Patty's Day sensory bin

Dinner

{Green Caesar Salad & Green Baked Potato Soup}

Tie-Dye Shamrocks

{Done with cone coffee filters}

Painting "shamrocks" with Green Peppers

Little Leprechaun

Details for each project to follow!