Holding Pattern

AJ finished summer school today.  When did summer fly by, and why didn't I notice?  He did extremely well, with all his sessions, he only had one horrible day.  The rest of the days, he was thrilled to be there.  I'm planning on driving by his school a lot in the next few weeks, just to keep his brain connected to the place.  His visual memory is amazing, so I have no doubt he'll recognize it when we pull-up, or even play on the playground.

I'm nervous as to how he's going to react to the new house.  He's been there before, but I'm really hoping he adjusts well.  It will be a lot of change for him.  I'm also nervous as to what I'm going to do with him for 6 weeks before school starts.  Yikes.  Did I mention how much he loves school?

I'm frustrated about AJ's recent approach to potty training.  And I'm nervous that school, or someone or something, may ask us to stop potty training him.  We've been at this over 2 years.  And I'm exhausted.  2 years!  For a while, he totally had pee'ing down.  Let's not even talk about poop. As much as we try to ask if he has to go potty, and try to remember when he went last, the recent chaos around here has not helped the 'schedule'.  What is so frustrating is that he has the control, whereas many children with CP don't.  He can "feel it" just fine!   I've tried, several times to teach him how to pee standing up, and he just doesn't understand the concept.  Which is fine for now, we'll still have him sit and go, but that creates more dependence on his aide at school.  I don't know.  Its an issue, and I'm frustrated. Period.

I've purchased, labeled, and placed all of his school supplies in his backpack.  Yep, I'm that Mom.  I feel better knowing I won't have to run out and try to find 12 blasted glue sticks at the end of August when everyone is sold out of all the required school supplies.  No doubt there will be something his teachers throw on the list that wasn't there last week when I printed it, but I'd rather run out and get one thing in the midst of moving rather than the whole list.  Besides, my label maker makes me happy.

As with all things Heidi & Jeremy, this moving extravaganza has turned into chaos.  We were supposed to close yesterday. Yes, yesterday.  We are hoping for next week.  All of that calmness and "I'm not overwhelmed or panicking" I wrote about last week, is now present.  I just want it all to be done and over with.  We are stuck in a holding pattern.  Nothing to do be sit around and wait, while packing some last minute things.  Everything as planned, is now haywire.  Which, in theory, makes me feel incredibly dumb.  Because I truly should know better.  There is a fine line between the optimist and the pessimist.  Jeremy and I are both on that line.  Not purposely waiting for that shoe to drop, but given our past experiences, we usually assume it will. With moving, we were silly enough to think it would go somewhat well.  The best laid plans....

Why It Is The Way It Is

A few weeks ago I spent the day with a friend.  We picked her kids up from school and drove exactly 2 minutes.  It might have been less, I don't remember, because we were looking for a house with black shutters.  Anyhow, I remember thinking thats it?  We're here already?


I've gotten some flack for being freaked out about showings for our house and how "OMG" I make the whole situation.  To me, it is OMG.

When when we first decided to advocate for AJ to go to his current school, we started talking about moving.  That was over two years ago, when we toured the school and knew it was the right fit for AJ.  After taking our parents and showing them where the school was, and their comments being "Where are we going?" and "How much further?!" and "You can't drive this every day" we knew we weren't crazy.

We thought about it and thought about it and came up with reasons why we should wait.  We knew it would be difficult.  We knew it would be hard.  We knew AJ's school district would eventually say "No, he can't go there anymore." We even packed up boxes one summer and planned to list/move in the fall. It didn't happen.

All of that stress transfers into today's stress of actually having our house on the market.  And now I realize all of that avoidance has made it that much harder.  I have no desire to approach our home district about schooling for next year, yet that's just what we'll be doing in May because of how the timing of all of this played out.

They say selling your home/buying a home is one of the biggest stressors in life.  Um, yeah.  I totally agree.  Even though we already went through buying with this house, we have never had a house on the market and then looked for another house.  And while I hear of stories of people who have had 173 showings and have had their house on the market a whole lot longer, I don't feel that makes our situation any less of a situation.  Because I'm feeling the stress.

I have a hard time keeping our house in exact showing order.  I have a child with an agenda a mile long and two gigundo dogs.  The cat doesn't count, she's self-sufficient.  This housing market is tough.  I take the suggestions our realtor gives us and own them.  I take the feedback we get and (after fuming for a few hours because I take it personal) work on what I can.  There are some places I actually do draw the line.  No I'm not putting in new windows, did you fail to notice the new furnace, boiler, flooring, bathroom, and kitchen cabinets?!  Hint Hint!


I clean my little heart out and try to have our house look how it does on our online listing.

Hello.  My name is Heidi Schmidt.  I'm a control freak.  Nice to meet you.

The little things mean something these days.  If doing those little things will sell my house, well then heck ya, I'm down with that.  (Did I just type I'm down with that?)  Things that stress me out?  Trying to juggle two dogs, who for whatever reason love to snooze in the living room, when you want to clean your carpet.  Or your kiddo who purposely spills his apple juice 10 minutes before you have to walk out the door before a showing.

All of these things happened last night and this morning, just before our showing.  The showing I learned about yesterday.  Requested for right smack dab in the middle of the day.  AJ's sick and I'm sick.  Fantastic.  I kept AJ home and packed all of us, dogs too, in my HHR and took off.  Sadly, I left the horn at home.  Its all we needed to complete our clown car.  Seriously.

We ran errands and then I decided to drive back to the house to see if the showing had happened yet or not.  Our realtor had once mentioned that we could park close by and just watch if we wanted, instead of leaving for the full-time.  When I came back and realized no one had been here, we parked in the neighbor's drive and waited.  I saw a car pull up with the prospective buyers and left.

Fast forward through lunch in the car, dropped AJ off at therapy, enjoying a Starbucks, picking AJ up and discovering the dog had jumped the fence (backseat) and ate a yogurt, we finally made it home.  To where I anxiously ran in the house looking for a realty card.  Usually the realtor's leave one so you know they've been there (I didn't know that, did you?).  No card.  I have no idea of the showing happened or not.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat.

We've had several showings now, and each time my little heart thumps with all sorts of emotions.  The more we have, the more anxious I am in hopes that this showing someone will make an offer.

An offer that would make our lives easier.  I cannot fathom driving two minutes to AJ's school.  There is a huge different between 2 minutes and the current 4 hours I drive each day.  I can't even imagine how much time that would give me to do things without calculating how much time I have for insert activity here minus driving time.  I am constantly turning down appointments for both myself and AJ because of driving times.

I miss seeing picture of my baby boy on the walls.  We've been prepping to move for so long, I haven't a clue how long they've all been down to make our house look "homey yet generic".  I'm ready for a new space to call our home.  And yes I know our situation is unique and at the latest we'll be moving late summer, but my habit of wanting everything "NOW!" just like most of us is rarin' and ready to go.  I know I know I know.  But its still hard.  And stressful.  You can't please everyone, but you want so badly to please at least one person so that they'll like your home...which allows you to move on with your life.

They say its not personal. It is soooooooooooo personal.  At least to me it is.  This has been a long time coming and now, its just dragging.  Like a ball and chain.   Blech.

I'm picturing our new house with a big bow on it, with a note on the kitchen counter that says "Just a little something to completely change your life."

Love,
Your New House

Amberwood & Canister Thoughts

Since my eyes are starting to do googly tricks while painting, I figure its a good time to stop for the night.

Last year we made our first trip to IKEA down in Illinois. We met up with friends and happened to wander -ok, I saw the sign and gasped, causing Jeremy to hit the breaks and begin checking me over for medical issues.  Oops.  Anyhow, I saw a Tuesday Morning sign and we were soon browsing the aisles.

I found three short pillar candles, brown in color, with a divine scent of Amberwood. 

(like these)

I'm a lover of patchouli & amber aromas, earthy smells with depth.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do with them. And besides, they were a steal. We were just beginning to prep the house to move.  We had decided to keep the dark blue/light blue paint colors in our room, and accent with cream/chocolate/black.  Ok, I had decided.  Jeremy chipped in by saying something like Uh-Huh Ok Whatever.  His approval usually isn't a stretch, unless I suggest anything yellow or pink.  Those are an automatic veto.

I came home and placed the candles on the white shelf in our bedroom... still wrapped in their protective plastic wrapping. 

Today, I opened all three.  It was rather ceremonious to me, which can be considered to be a good thing or a bit odd as we are talking about candles here. 

Each day that goes on, that I am in hyper-overdrive move mode, makes this whole thing more and more real.  I mean, I unwrapped the candles. That have been sitting on the shelf for over a year and a half.  Things are getting done and while I'm completely exhausted, its beginning to look amazing.

My mind is full of so many memories.  Memories of when we first bought this house.  How we didn't know where to begin, and had no idea what we were doing.  No.idea. Jeremy has always been good at demolition, be it baseball bat or  box cutters (that would be knocking down things and tearing up carpet) and I've improved on the bringing-it-to-life role.  I remember standing in the kitchen with my Mom, chatting with excitment about the new kitchen curtains she was going to make for us.  Which lead to the wine colored walls that I was swearing at  battling tonight, but ya know.  Tastes change. 

We purchased our first set of new furniture for this house and spent all night painting the living room the night before an adoption homestudy.  The night before that I suckered a friend into painting our bedroom that dark blue/light blue combo. We failed sorely at "fixing-up" our bathroom for several years before we bit the bullet and hired a contractor to do the gut and remodel.  I spent hours painting AJ's nursery dresser while my Grandmother supervised and we chatted. We slowly but surely found the yard again. We've made friends with lots of plumbers and other handy-skilled workers.  We've replaced pumps, roofs, I could go on. 

We've learned a lot from this house.  We've learned about quality work and quality products.  That blood red is never a good choice of color for you living room walls.  That hard work-done right-pays off.  We've learned what its like to own a home and everything that comes with it.  We've worked with some amazing people and are a whole lot more experienced than when we started. Trust Me. We are not gardners and most certainly not tree-lovers!  That we won't ever buy cheapy-cheap faucets or cheap paint and most importantly, won't cut corners!

...I find painting relaxing.  I should say I find it relaxing most of the time.  I prefer to work without using painters tape.   Cheap paint is just that, cheap.  Buy a good brush and good paint and save yourself some insanity and money.  I spent a good hour tonight doing the brushwork above the countertop lip in the kitchen.  Without tape.  And loved every second.  It forces me to take it slow and steady, concentrate, and keep a steady hand.  It brings Zen.  I know.  I'm insane.

As I was painting, the design for our next kitchen popped into my head.  The object(s) of inspiration? 

Canisters.  There has been a set of canisters in our basement since we moved here.  They belonged to Jeremy's paternal grandmother and somehow they had ended up here, at his maternal grandparents home. 

For years he's been asking me to hang on to them.  Their base color is white, with a beautiful black paisley pattern with accents of bright blue and green. I never paid much attention, except the last few weeks I've been looking at them on the shelf each time I go downstairs.  Hm.  Weird.

And tonight, they made their debut.  Suddenly my head was filled with ideas of a  faux-granite countertop, black with a gloss finish to really fake people out on the granite thing, the large dining table in the basement black with a flat finish with chairs painted to match with grey velour chair pads.  Blue walls?   Green walls? What shade? And a pendant light at the sink.  A glass bowl....no a dish...with decor balls?  No... Definitely the brushed nickel finish and oh I saw those drawer pulls at Target, those would be perfect..............................................

My mind was running wild!  It kept running, into new ideas for a living room.  How I literally want the same bathroom in our new house. And then it hit me.  Other than AJ's future room, never before had I thought about what our new home would be like.  While the decor/furnishings really don't matter, it sure is fun to dream up ideas.  I had forgotten how much I love this sort of thing.  While I'm no Genevieve, I do like to dabble in this house stuff.

It sure beats constantly thinking of therapy appointments, goals, and stressing over everything.

And those candles?  Oh, those are going with too.  I'm sure I'll think of just the place for them in our new home.

Listen To Your Chocolate

Lately our lives, and house, seem to be taken over by those plastic bins.  There are rows and rows in our basement of said bins. You know, the ones on sale every week in the store ads, with the popular color choice right now being red and green...

We are 3 days into our kitchen cabinet redo.  Meaning, a very experienced cabinet dude is here.  After a year and a half of staring at our cabinets without doors on them (with all so wonderful intentions to paint everything ourselves), I caved and listened to my chocolate. He has stripped, bleached, stained, and sealed our existing base cabinets.  The new crown molding is up, and makes me sigh every time I walk into the kitchen.  The old scrolly-looking piece over the sink, while appropriate for a 50's kitchen, is now gone, which makes the kitchen look a bit more modern.  The new drawers and doors  are downstairs waiting in all their glory to be installed tomorrow and Friday. 

In the midst of the cabinet redo we've had a handy dude here putting in new storm/screen combos on some of our windows, changing outlets, and doing other various things.  Today there were four different people, besides me, mulling around our house.  I was just the cruise director.

Roughly 95% of the contents of my kitchen contents are in...you guessed it...bins.  Totes.  Call them what you want.  And yes, these are of the red and green variety.  We've done a lot of eating from paper plates, takeout, and meals that don't require cooking on the stove top.  Everything is everywhere, in every room, except the bathroom, which seems to be the only room I can keep just the way I like it.  Hm.

This week has been rough.  Ok, thats an understatement.  I'm finding it hard to fit in SuperMom's schedule into my life.  I know, SHOCKING.  I'm finding it hard to focus on just one thing.  This has been the first week where someone, other than myself, Jer, and Grandma, has picked AJ up from  and taken him to school.  My mind is so focused on getting this house ready to list that there isn't room for much else.  I felt horrible as these big brown eyes looked at me standing in the doorway this morning..."Mom, why aren't you coming with me?"  Sometimes being AJ's "translator" is heartbreaking.  I know my baby boy too well sometimes. 

So this afternoon, when AJ came home with a rash and the sitter mentioned he was picking at his ears, I hopped in the car and drove him to urgent care.  We don't mess around with the ears.  Sure enough, he has an early infection in his left ear.  Thank you gut.  You come in handy oh-so-often.  He was also tested for strep, which came back negative. 

I definitely could have continued on with my day without AJ's medical drama, but it wouldn't change the fact that the show must go on.   It has been ridiculously hard for me to watch other people mulling around here doing work.  Things that I may not be able to do, but for some reason my brain tricks me into thinking, or rather goes into SuperMom mode, and I think I should be doing.  Things are stressful enough around here, you can imagine my reaction more chaos.

After I put AJ to bed tonight, I took a long hot bath.  I thought about how difficult the week has been, how everything is misplaced.  Messy.  How life is messy.  How I've finally  identified my strengths and weaknesses, learned what I truly can and don't have to do all on my own.  How I absolutely love my small Christmas Tree that sits on the corner of my bathroom vanity.  How I absolutely love Gram's tree sitting in my living room, in all its grandness. How amazed I am that so many things are getting done around here all at once.  How thankful I am for skilled workers who know what they are doing and while I'm stressed while they are here, the final product relieves a different type of stress.  This process won't last forever, but we're at a point where we must keep going.  I'm trying not to do it all-all at once.

AJ gave me the sweetest smile when I put him to bed tonight.  He asks to go to bed by leading me to his bed, standing at the foot, looking up at me with those big brown eyes, and slowly reaching for his implants, gently pulling them off.  As he snuggled his pillow, he gave me that smile.  The smile that reminds me of why we are living and packing our lives in bins.  Why we are having windows and cabinets done.  Why we are moving in the first place.  For a sweet little boy who deserves everything we can give him.  There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

And I, for once, am listening to my chocolate. 

A Start

About a year ago, I fell in love with this old Victorian home near AJ's school.  I've always had a "thing" for Victorians, even though I know they are money pits and are truly never a finished project.  This house is still on the market and taunted me the first week of school.  I drove past it at least twice a day.  It is evident that its been empty for a while (sellers relocated) and that whomever is taking care of the lawn/yard is not doing such a hot job.  The house isn't in the best area either. I've finally fallen out of love with this house. 

Instead, we've turned our efforts towards getting this house ready for sale.  This is the longest we've ever been in a place (6 years+) and it shows.  Where does all this stuff come from?  It may sound corny, but how blessed we are to be able to say that.  I've hung curtains and curtain rods that have been in packages in my closet for months.  I've made "To Do" Lists for each room (again) and have managed to cross a few things off the list each day. 

Late last night we watched as car after car pulled up and things started disappearing from our pile on the curb.  This morning, even more things were gone.  I'm really glad someone else will actually get use out of the workout bench and elliptical (among other things).  Jeremy installed the new outside light and I'm still trying to figure out how to mount the new address plaque.  The front door is prepped for paint and the new paint color for the teeny bit of vertical aluminum siding we have has been chosen. The garage is empty except for the excess of trash bags we've compiled with all this de-cluttering going on.  The basement looks huge (again) and is shaping up nicely. 

I'm struggling the most with all of AJ's stuff.  We all know that you live differently when you sell your home.  You stage your home, sans the trampoline and sports bean bags that grace your living room floor.  As much as I'd love to tell someone "buzz off bucko", our toys are staying out, that won't help to sell our house.  In this market, it is really important to do as much as you can to sell your home.  So, I think the trampoline will go downstairs and the bean bags will be packed away. 

We decided to leave the wall color in AJ's room (light blue/white horizontal strip/sage green).  This was a difficult decision for me.  We painted the nursery neutral, because we didn't know what we were "getting". I really wanted to say goodbye to the wall colors as much as I enjoyed saying goodbye to his crib (it sat empty for so long, it created some rough memories for me...so it was really healthy for me when we passed it on to someone in need).  In an effort to save ourselves some work, I decided to leave the paint color.  Instead, I bought a navy blue bedspread and geometric drapes on clearance.  AJ's Room: Done. 

And those sports bean bags?  Are for AJ's new basketball themed room. 

I still need to repaint the bathroom (don't EVER use flat paint in your bathroom).  I went to touch up a few spots and the paint color I got was different.  Gotta repaint.  Be careful when you go in the office closet, something might bite you.  Probably a folder full of paper.  Yikes.  I'm currently typing this on my laptop keyboard, while using the old PC monitor, with both sitting on a card table.  Oh, and the old PC itself is on the floor.  I need to see if I can pull off the rest of the pictures from mid-2007 to 2009 off and store them elsewhere.  Sidenote: I took our external hard drive that crashed in.  I finally bit the bullet.  They were not able to retrieve the data in the store, so the drive has been sent up to Appleton with hopes they can recover it there.  To the tune of $300.  Sigh. I really, really, really hope they can.  Anyhow, the guest room needs to look like a guest room, so I'm unsure of where to put the computer(s). 

Things are moving and in general, I'm feeling good about it.  It makes me cringe to think of driving another winter to and from Waukesha.  I know, there are people who drive greater distances every day.  We are trying to decrease the stress in our lives.  I am just not one of those people.  I don't feel safe.  Given our crazy weather this summer, I can only imagine what our winter will be like.  We're also looking for a neighborhood with kids and younger families.

We're getting excited looking at houses online.  It looks like there are some good options out there for us. 
We aren't the type of people that are afraid of colors on the wall or even ugly bathrooms.  We remodeled our bathroom in this house two years ago and know the process, learning the do's and dont's.  Kitchens? They need good bones.  Paint goes a long way.  Jeremy does the demo, I do the restoring (unless I'm clueless, then we hire help, we've learned!) Bring on the avocado tile and banana yellow tub and toilet.  Bring on the wallpaper and pink countertop.  We're ready. 

Well, almost.  Gotta finish getting this joint ready first.