Dear Baby Girl ~ August 2013

Dear Baby Girl,

Today was a quiet one. No emails from either agency, no paperwork screaming with immediacy, nothing to pickup or drop off.

Sometimes, these days are harder than the chaotic ones.  On these days your mama has a chance to breath, therefore losing the adrenaline that has fueled the last few days.  Days or weeks.

You feel so incredibly far away.  I know for our wonderful readers that statement must sound absolutely insane, but it is so very true.  It pains me and your daddy that we are not able to share you yet.  There are rules, regulations, governments, and legalities.  My heart doesn't want to hear anything about legal-schmegal. We've seen your sweet face, your beautiful being.  We've seen you in your element, and heard your infectious giggle.  Oh, how I wish we could share you!

Your big brother and I watched your videos again today.  Each time he becomes more and more familiar with what we are watching.  It is so incredible to watch him connect with you.  I turn the volume up so not only your brother hears you, but your furry siblings too.  I look at every single detail in your pictures and videos.  Where things are, how many straps are on your shoes, and what colors you are surrounded by.  When we first learned about your brother, I memorized the colors of the mats in the first picture we received.  I'm memorizing your story too, sweet girl.

I listened to some Bulgarian language learners today.  Oh, nelly.   Your mama and daddy have a lot of work to do.  I know you are understanding and responding to Bulgarian, so we need to get on the ball.

We our dosssier requirements yesterday.  Holy coconuts.  Do you know what a coconut is?  We'll teach you.  Anyhow, when you are older, I will explain this all to you.  And we will make copies of the papers and color/paint/put stickers all over them and make them look pretty.  Yes we will.  Because the anticipation of experiencing that moment, and some many other moments with you is what keeps us moving forward.

There is something about filling out all of this paperwork. The whiplash from hurry, hurry, rush, rush to being stopped dead in your tracks. It wears on you.  It digs deep.  It's almost as if we are being second-guessed, constantly. But we are ready.  We are ready for you and will do whatever we need to bring you home!

Your room is slowly coming together.  We've chosen a paint color (Misty Aqua) and have found a toddler bed for you.  Your room is very Weasley.  That's a tip to Harry Potter.  Harry Who?  I will explain this to you too.  Did you know the adoption authority in your home country is called the Ministry of Justice?   It is. Mama giggles whenever she hears someone say  "The Ministry..." because it reminds her of Harry Potter. I wanted your room to be warm, cozy, and cottage-like.  That is what it shall be.  The perfect shelf was hand-delivered, as was an adorable toy box.  Grandma found a glider and we found this beautiful fabric for it....

The time of day has changed around here...when asked what time it is, we now state the current time along with:  it's x:xx in Sofia.  This helps guide our thoughts as to what you are doing.  Are you outside?  Are you napping?  Are you eating?  Are you playing with your favorite things?  Do you sleep with a favorite toy or blankey?  What did you have for lunch today?  What songs do they sing to you?  What's your favorite book?  Who is your favorite caregiver?

All these questions.  With no solid answers.  But they will come, I know they will.  For now, I stay addicted to my phone, checking my email what seems like every 3 seconds.  Making sure my ringer is on and not on vibrate.  I'm praying for so many things. This all going so fast and not fast enough all at the same time.

I see you everywhere.  Every nook and cranny of trouble your brother gets into, I know that all too soon you will be right with him.  I see a photo of children holding hands now and weep.  Uncontrollably. You are the greatest gift...to all of us.

I hope you can feel how loved you are.

Love,

Mommy