Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Hats and Stillness

Yesterday morning I found myself abundantly thankful that we are not first-time adoptive parents.

If we were, I do believe we might have wimped out by now.

And we're just getting started.

There is this little document called the Letter of Intent which needs to be filed in Bulgaria to officially put our daughter on hold.  I sent the letter to the Secretary of State's office in our state's capital to be apostilled.  It was supposed to arrive on Monday, yet as of yesterday we didn't have it.

.   I began focusing on this verse:

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still"
Exodus 14:14

I felt like I was spinning. There is absolutely nothing we could do be sit and be still...and wait.  I could not force the post office to deliver the letter we are waiting on.  I couldn't do a thing.  That feeling was and IS very, very hard to stomach.  With the 4th of July holiday looming,  getting this letter to our agency and then to Bulgaria was becoming a faster race.  I let go, and thought, I need to just be still and let what is going to happen...happen.

This morning our older dog was going absolutely bonkers barking.  I figured he was barking at the workers who were doing some utility work in our yard.  On a hunch, I went to the front door.  There, stuck in the corner of the mailbox was a peach card.  I had missed the delivery of the apostilled letter.  There was no doorbell.  No knock.  Nothing.  The utility workers told me the guy just wrote out the card and left.


I marched into the post office and was intercepted by a sweet gentleman who directed me to a delivery manager right away.  She met me after business hours to ensure I had the letter.  It will be mailed to our agency on Friday and arrive in Bulgaria early next week.  We've been told this is just fine.


I don't understand this.  We were totally in control with AJ's adoption.  Hahahaha. I should say, we thought we were.  Some things about this adoption are old hat, while others are definitely new hat.

I am so thankful we had the experience we did with AJ.  While nothing is every carbon copy, I found familiarity in reading through our homestudy requirements, IR-3 versus IR-4's and on and on.  I knew what apostille meant when it was requested.  We already have our passports.  I can tell you the difference between homestudy and placement agency.  So much we've experienced is transferring to adoption process #2.

And yet, there is so much new hat.

The first hat being our faith.  When we adopted AJ, our faith was run of the mill.  Stale.  Cookie-cutter.  I don't remember praying during his adoption process.  Maybe I did.  But I don't remember.  I remember feeling angry with God for allowing our process to go sour.  We steered clear of church for years.  Why did He give us this child with special needs?

It's taken years, but we know the answer. And we thank Him daily for the blessing AJ has been since the moment he entered our hearts.  We are trusting in Him and drawing on our faith to carry us through this process. We were not expecting to experience the feelings we've experienced in the last two weeks until much later in the process.  God changed the game.  Ok, so you've got this referral now.  Do you trust me now? The post-office is going to screw up...Do you trust me know?

And a daughter.  A daughter.  If you know our family, you know that on my husband's side there hasn't been a girl in the family for 30 years.  Before that, 75 years.  The standing joke is that Jeremy's family just doesn't have girls.  We'll I guess we're breaking that mold too.

A few hours before we accepted her referral, I was explaining to a friend that I had been in contact with our school district, asking questions and wondering what services were available for her when she comes home. She said, "This sound so official already".  It was then that I realized I was advocating for my baby girl. Already.  And I haven't even met her yet.  The experience and knowledge gained from being AJ's Momma is transferring into early advocacy for our daughter.  Precious.

Today, while I was still and waiting, mountains were moved.  I got an email saying someone had clothes for us for Mimi.  I received news that the blind support group my in-laws work with donated to our puzzle fundraiser, as did several others very unexpectedly.  Jeremy called with a lead on new babysitters.  I got the message that the letter was ready to be picked up.

Be still.  And watch Him move.

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