We are 3 days into our kitchen cabinet redo. Meaning, a very experienced cabinet dude is here. After a year and a half of staring at our cabinets without doors on them (with all so wonderful intentions to paint everything ourselves), I caved and listened to my chocolate. He has stripped, bleached, stained, and sealed our existing base cabinets. The new crown molding is up, and makes me sigh every time I walk into the kitchen. The old scrolly-looking piece over the sink, while appropriate for a 50's kitchen, is now gone, which makes the kitchen look a bit more modern. The new drawers and doors are downstairs waiting in all their glory to be installed tomorrow and Friday.
In the midst of the cabinet redo we've had a handy dude here putting in new storm/screen combos on some of our windows, changing outlets, and doing other various things. Today there were four different people, besides me, mulling around our house. I was just the cruise director.
Roughly 95% of the contents of my kitchen contents are in...you guessed it...bins. Totes. Call them what you want. And yes, these are of the red and green variety. We've done a lot of eating from paper plates, takeout, and meals that don't require cooking on the stove top. Everything is everywhere, in every room, except the bathroom, which seems to be the only room I can keep just the way I like it. Hm.
This week has been rough. Ok, thats an understatement. I'm finding it hard to fit in SuperMom's schedule into my life. I know, SHOCKING. I'm finding it hard to focus on just one thing. This has been the first week where someone, other than myself, Jer, and Grandma, has picked AJ up from and taken him to school. My mind is so focused on getting this house ready to list that there isn't room for much else. I felt horrible as these big brown eyes looked at me standing in the doorway this morning..."Mom, why aren't you coming with me?" Sometimes being AJ's "translator" is heartbreaking. I know my baby boy too well sometimes.
So this afternoon, when AJ came home with a rash and the sitter mentioned he was picking at his ears, I hopped in the car and drove him to urgent care. We don't mess around with the ears. Sure enough, he has an early infection in his left ear. Thank you gut. You come in handy oh-so-often. He was also tested for strep, which came back negative.
I definitely could have continued on with my day without AJ's medical drama, but it wouldn't change the fact that the show must go on. It has been ridiculously hard for me to watch other people mulling around here doing work. Things that I may not be able to do, but for some reason my brain tricks me into thinking, or rather goes into SuperMom mode, and I think I should be doing. Things are stressful enough around here, you can imagine my reaction more chaos.
After I put AJ to bed tonight, I took a long hot bath. I thought about how difficult the week has been, how everything is misplaced. Messy. How life is messy. How I've finally identified my strengths and weaknesses, learned what I truly can and don't have to do all on my own. How I absolutely love my small Christmas Tree that sits on the corner of my bathroom vanity. How I absolutely love Gram's tree sitting in my living room, in all its grandness. How amazed I am that so many things are getting done around here all at once. How thankful I am for skilled workers who know what they are doing and while I'm stressed while they are here, the final product relieves a different type of stress. This process won't last forever, but we're at a point where we must keep going. I'm trying not to do it all-all at once.
AJ gave me the sweetest smile when I put him to bed tonight. He asks to go to bed by leading me to his bed, standing at the foot, looking up at me with those big brown eyes, and slowly reaching for his implants, gently pulling them off. As he snuggled his pillow, he gave me that smile. The smile that reminds me of why we are living and packing our lives in bins. Why we are having windows and cabinets done. Why we are moving in the first place. For a sweet little boy who deserves everything we can give him. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
And I, for once, am listening to my chocolate.