"OoooooO OooooO"

Yesterday morning began like any other morning, with breakfast and the long ride to school.  About half way there, I noticed AJ did not look right in the back seat. He looked dazed, like kids do when they first wake up in the morning.  He was also blowing gigantic saliva bubbles and saliva was slowly dripping down the corner of his mouth. 

I had to look back a few times to realize this was continuing...and rapidly pulled over.  I jumped out of the car and opened his door, peeked at his eyes, which were pointed downward (again in that dazed eyes-half-open look).  I ran back around the car and dialed the nurses station at our pediatricians office...yes I have it memorized. 

The nurse, who know's me by name, recommended I called 911.  Which is what I did after I hung up with her.  By the time I hung up with the 911 dispatcher AJ was fine...beating on his favorite vibrating turtle toy and smiling/giggling.   I think I was hyperventilating but I'm not exactly sure.  A minute later, I heard the sirens and saw the police car come over the hill.  I picked up a napkin to blow my nose and took 3 deep breaths.  I was in no shape to talk or share vital information. 

He opened AJ's door and took a peek at him, and then me, psycho crying mom.  Of course, AJ looked fine.  He instructed me to stay in the car until the ambulance arrived. 

Suddenly I was outside, talking to one EMT while one other stood by for futher instruction and the other started her workup on AJ.  He was not pleased a stethoscope was in his space.  I shouted that the right coil of his implant was off and she promptly put it back on his head, as she had noticed them before I even said anything. 

They took him, carseat and all, and strapped him onto the stretcher.  I ran to the police car and told him I was leaving my car there...on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.  For some reason I had never noticed how far out we were are until that morning.....  I hopped in the ambulance and buckled in.  They decided to go "lights and sirens" since AJ has a history of CP.  Seizure-CP-not good.

This was AJ's first ambulance ride...and it was also mine.  Somehow I answered all the pertinent questions correctly, in between trying to stiffle my tears.  What the heck was wrong with me?  Why do I cry in front of strangers??? Weird.

They took AJ's blood sugar in the ambulance, which caused his finger to bleed the entire ride to the hospital.  He was happy, except for the fact that the EMT was holding his finger to stop the bleeding.  Thank goodness we took turtle with us....

I had conveniently parked about a mile before the freeway on ramp, so our ride into town was without complication.  It was when we got off the freeway I felt what happens when cars/drivers DON'T move out of the way.  This is my plea to all drivers: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pull-over for emergency vehicles.  Ambulances learch in this crazy way that I can't even describe...especially when they are going "lights and sirens" and at a relatively high speed on city streets.  I asked the EMT's if that was annoying, and they responded that it happens more than you think.  And I quote, "People are in a hurry...their morning Starbucks absolutely cannot wait." 

The look of frustration on his face saddened me.  And definitely made me more aware and want to be more alert on the road.  Then I was jolted back into the reality that I was in a freakin' ambulance, with my kid.  I was so worried about how he would do in the ambulance without me.  He couldn't even see me.  I will say though, he probably would have gotten a kick out of riding behind the ambulance...he loves lights.  The EMT's said they'd work on a transporter hook-up to the back...just for kids.

We arrived at Children's Hospital, where I learned one of the EMT's knew our house, knew Jeremy's grandparents, and was even familiar with Jer's Grandpa's horse collection.  Small world.  By the time we were at the hospital, my head was a bit clearer and felt a bit at home.

Long story short, we were there for two hours.  They decided to run labs and see if he had an electrolyte imbalance.  Ok....??  We sat around for two hours, which AJ was really good for, up until the last 1/2 hour.  Thank goodness I brought his backpack with his lunch in it.  We resorted to playing in the bathroom at the sink.  He felt just fine, was playing all over the place and definitely wanted out of our little boxed in look-at-me-glass-doors room. 

The labs came back normal and were discharged with "Possible Seizure", orders to follow-up with his neurologist for an EEG, and to give him plenty of fluids and rest.

Uh Oh.  My car was 30+ miles away.  Here I was with AJ, a carseat, turtle, a stuffed moose the EMTs gave AJ, his backpack, my purse, and our jackets.  AJ's fan club (AKA the nurses station) waved goodbye as we were walking out.  It was one of those days when I could not get a hold of anyone to come and get us.  Luckily, a friend came and picked us up and drove us to my car.  Taxi's do not drive out this far....

I was ready for a nap, but AJ was rarin' to go.  I know he was mad when we got to the ER...because it wasn't school.  Now that we were home, he was even more mad at me and had tons of pent up energy.  Now how am I supposed to get him to rest??  He finally fell asleep about 8pm, after Dad came home to keep an eye on him.  I took a hot bath and called it a night.

This morning, I thought I was going to have a heartattack the whole way to school.  I'll be changing my route for the next few days at the very least.  I must have turned around every five seconds to check on him.  Wiggling his foot each time I saw him stare off.  Panicky, tired, over-stressed Mom syndrome. 

He was fine, but it literally took me five minutes to pull away from the front of school after I dropped him off.  Driving was not my favorite activity today.   I stayed in town near his school, because the idea of driving back and forth again did NOT appeal to me.  I did a grocery shop, talked with a friend, and went back to school to pick him up.  He had a good day, much to my relief.  I took a different route home, which alleviated some of the "driving past the spot where we got into an ambulance yesterday" stress, but I was still on eggshells checking on him in route. 

He had his 4-year check up this afternoon...which of course, was clear across town. 

AJ weighed in at 25lbs 5 oz (which is a big gain) and 35 3/4 in tall (which is an entire inch taller!).  All in all a good visit.  Although I couldn't help but realize that we seem to have a pattern when visiting our peds office.  The first time she ever saw AJ, we were in urgent care the day before....which was the day we brought him home.

One of her questions was if anything had changed in our family situation...which meant I had to share Jeremy's diagnosis.  Which brought the diagnosis to the forefront of my mind for the rest of the day. 

Oh, what am I talking about?  Jeremy's has MS (multiple sclerosis).  There will be more info on this to come. But not tonight.

And this is where I fold my cards.  Where I completely fold.  No more hands please.  I may be a super mom, or whatever, I may be strong, I may be stronger than the average Jane, but seriously...Even I have limits.  AJ seems to be just fine, Jeremy is doing well, but I am burned out.  You wanna talk about pressure? Look into my eyes.  And I'm owning it, the very best that I can.  I have taken the last few days second by second.  Because honestly, that's all I can do right now.