Saturday, December 4, 2010

Why Turkey Why

I suppose I should post about Thankgiving while I still have a picture with pumpkins on the blog. Never mind that today is December 4th.

Thanksgiving was a very stressful day.  For those around us, it may not have seemed so, but we've gotten pretty good at playing the game and putting on the smiles.

I thought it would be less stressful not hosting.  I was wrong.  I had forgotten what it feels like to hop-skip-jump to different places on a holiday.  Especially with a kiddo.  While we were at our first stop, AJ did well, although I was watching him like a hawk.  He was staring off a lot, which caught my attention right away and I quickly became nervous.  While I don't think he had a full seizure, I do think there was some abnormal activity going on.  Since he has had a seizure while on medication (about 2 weeks ago-at school) I was on high alert.  I guess you get that way when your kid has seizures.  Despite my anxiousness, it was lovely visiting with family and friends...and petting puppies.

We left late (if anyone ever leaves one place to get to another on time, please share your secret) and picked up my Mom for our next stop.  Where I swooped AJ into the bathroom pronto so I could give him his seizure medication (late-which made me upset).  He took it well, and I though all would be well with the world.  Not so.  AJ ate two bites of mashed potatoes and proceeded to have a complete sensory meltdown. 

In the middle of his meltdown, a sweet little girl came over and asked me a question.  She's definitely in her "Why?" stage.  Her mother had warned me beforehand that she wanted to play with AJ, but she explained he needed to eat first.  The girl had asked her mother why AJ didn't talk.  She had reminded her that he talks with his hands instead.  Kudos to that Mom, by the way.

The sweet little blond girl walked up to me and asked, "Why doesn't he talk?" 

I answered (feeling like I was lying or not telling the whole truth because AJ only has 5 signs he uses), "He uses his hands to talk."

"But WHY?" said the little girl. 

To which I said nothing and fought some major tears that were welling up while AJ was screaming in my lap. 

Her mother distracted her and I was off the hook.

What do you tell a sweet young child, who is full of innocence, when they ask such a complex question?  It was simple in her eyes.  I want it to be simple too sister.   My heart was screaming to act how her face looked, like she wanted to whine, "Well thats not fair!!"  No, its not. I felt like saying, "Yeah, I wanna know too why he doesn't talk.  Lets sit down on the floor and play Candyland and solve the world's problems." 

AJ was done, and we left just as quick as we came...or so it felt.  Despite the meltdown, it was nice to see friends we hadn't seen in what felt like forever and laugh, even if it was just a little.
After I dropped my Mom off, the tears started.  I missed Gram so much that day.  The emotion hit me like a ton of bricks and I was not expecting it. The day was hard to begin with; but adding a new routine for "The Day", AJ's meltdown, the why question, and the guilt of not spending more time with Mom, I was one cooked bird myself.  I did not expect the day to go perfect. Because they never do, and that's ok.  But my heart was hoping for some calm and peace and an opportunity to give thanks.  To not have to worry or stress about anything for just a little while. Instead, I was stressed.  Jer was stressed.  I missed cooking and hosting. Jer missed my cooking, our hosting, and the leftovers.

I am thankful for my loving husband, my amazing son, our parents, my closest friends, AJ's team, AJ's ability to hear and listen, massages, and Starbucks.  I am thankful for so much.  But the stress?  Eh.  Sorry stress, I'm not thankful for you....Oh, and pumpkin pie.  Love me some pumpkin pie. And Twilight.  Can't forget Twilight.

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