Choices

There are many times during our journey with AJ where there hasn't been a choice to do something or to not do something.

But then, I think again and really think about how technically, there is a choice in all of things we do with and for AJ.  While I would never think of not giving him his seizure medication, there is (technically) a choice to do so.  There is a choice in taking him to this doctor or this specialist or even to therapy.  I could go on.

The choice for us was made a long time ago.  Give AJ absolute everything and anything he needs.  Period.

Still, we often come under fire for the choices we make outside of AJ.  While it doesn't change our choices or follow through, it often comes as a surprise to us.  AJ is always a part of those other choices in some way or another. We try to find a balance between being AJ's parents and being Jeremy and Heidi.  Sometimes we succeed.  Sometimes fail. We keep trying.

Obtaining my BA has been difficult in recent months.  A funny thing happened when I stopped whining about it and sat down and devised a plan to schedule my time better.  It worked!  I made the choice to earn this degree so I'm going to own it.   Figuring out that I'll be graduating 3 months early has also been a huge motivator.

I'm proud of my sweet husband for not only going for but achieving so many of his own goals.  I ran across some paperwork yesterday from 6 years ago that had written "obtain my Nurse Practitioner" on it.  He's going for it and I'm so very proud of him.  

I have sat on the couch and wallowed.  Pity-party central.  Tears. Fear. Panic. They are paralyzing.  I mean, straight up paralyzing if you allow them to consume you.  It may not show, but I can be a huge fraidy-cat.  Straight up.  While certain experiences with AJ have given me thicker skin, sometimes I'm still sensitive.  Allowing our son's diagnoses to consume us, any more than what they already do consume, is not a choice we are making.  We both need to have something to focus on and enjoy outside of being AJ's parents.

That does not change the fact that we want the best for AJ. This does not mean a fancy house, cars, and all the latest toys. It means planning for his future, as his needs continue to increase.  It means having the ability to hire help when we need it, pay for the therapies and equipment that he's going to need. At the age of 5 AJ is already being denied services.  We are not going to be able to rely solely on what our state or other resources may provide him in the future.  Who knows how long all of these things are going be in existence.  AJ will not thrive on settled or skimping by.  I refuse to put him in some dumpy home when he's older just because that is what the state will pay for.

Bettering ourselves for the sake of ourselves and our son?  That's a smart choice if you ask me.