Saturday, January 7, 2012

Who Is That?

With time certainly comes changes.  Yikes.

I spent today with my Mom. While the day was indeed productive, it proved to be mostly a girls day. A much needed girls day.

What I didn't need was to see pictures of myself as a 5th grade cheerleader and 8th grader.  Double yikes.  I had a good laugh and then moved on to photos my mom brought home from her office.  A collage of pictures from my senior year of high school.  

Who IS that girl?  Sure time brings age and the normal,typical changes you experience as you grow and mature.  

But there were things I suddenly missed about myself.  This fresh face was staring back at me.  Sitting on the shore of Lake Michigan ready to take on the world. Full of life, not tragedy.  I looked....Like someone else.  I look in the mirror and don't see one iota of that girl.

Do I want to be 17 again?  God, no.  But there are parts of my personality that seem to have somehow died off.  I'm much too serious.  Most of the time.  No really, ask my husband. He'll tell you.  I'm constantly on edge.  Worrying about whats going to happen next that going to feel like a sabotage attack on my family and our future.  Feeling scared and letting my fear completely consume me.  I can turn a silly situation into a serious tension-filled situation in seconds.  I'm available for parties.  Inquire within.

Don't misunderstand me as having a pity party.  I certainly was not.  I simply recognized some not so great ways of how I've changed.  And in that moment I vowed to change.  

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